You know that meme of boy and girl clowns that says something like "how you and your significant other look after breaking up on social media and then getting back together"? That meme always makes me cringe, because it is totally my boyfriend and I. So ridiculous over the past 7 years of on again/off again, very publically - as was completely my own doing. And after this summer when we broke up, albeit very briefly, I took to the internet for support more than ever. I was going through a devastating break up 2000 miles away from the people I needed the most. And the easiest way to connect with everyone was to tell the sob story of our demise all over social media. I did, and I felt so much better about it to be honest. But when we got back together a few weeks later I thought of those stupid clown faces and decided it best to not say anything about getting back together. It was embarrassing.
It's been 4 months since Vic moved out to Los Angeles to be with me. And it has been better than any time in our 7 year history prior. The brief breakup this summer was necessary for us to address and move on from some issues that had been plaguing our relationship for too long as it was. The reason we broke up, the things we said and did to each other, they happened. All of it was real and true and none of that is lessened by the fact that we got back together. And the fact that I have held the healthiest, happiest version of this relationship so close to my chest was partially because I needed to keep it close to work on it, nurture it, and mend it to where it is now - and partially because I felt stupid saying we were back together. But I will no longer let that embarrassment stand between me and my truth: that my best friend sticking out this hard shit and working our way back to each other time and time again doesn't make us clowns. It makes us look like god damn love warriors who have too much love between them to say stop. Where's that meme?
I know this isn't the case for every relationship. And I am sure, even 2 paragraphs in, there are probably some of you thinking "sure thing, Katie - read back 3 blog posts and see how wrong and stupid you are". But the fear that maybe this blog will someday make me look foolish, or not stand true doesn't take away from the fact that this relationship is real and wonderful and worth being proud of now. Especially in a climate where the men we ARE talking about are the terrible ones that do awful things to women. I don't want to be in fear of talking about one that isn't a garbage monster. And I certainly don't want to feel ashamed of a relationship that is stronger than any I have experienced, and quite frankly seen around me.
I am not going to go into our history - it's all splattered through the pages of this blog if you dig deep enough. But with the holidays being around the corner, and being just a few hours away from my first anniversary as a Californian, I am hyper-aware of how lucky I am to have him be my family here. The fact that no one could have been more scared than me of us moving in together, especially after a rather tumultuous summer, to find that we live together better than any ex-boyfriend or roommate I've ever had. That I get more excited to come home to him having only been 8 hours since last saying goodbye then I did when I would leave his apartment in Chicago unsure of our next night together. The boy that friends told me time after time wasn't worth my tears (and they were always warranted in saying so) has turned into the man that wipes my tears away at the end of bad days. The boy that couldn't let those walls down to let me in failed attempt at a relationship after failed attempt at a relationship, is my safe place and my family now.
I guess the point of all of this, outside of bragging about my lovelife which hasn't always been something worth bragging about, is to say it's okay if your relationship doesn't start off in some particular way, only have x amount of break-ups, or maybe comes with one too many passive aggressive sub-tweets at the other person; your love story is your love story. No one else's. If you are lucky enough to find someone you love through hell and high water - paint your clown face proudly. Because at the end of every day, we're the ones laughing.
