I don't want to admit that going out or "dating" by societal standards matters to me. But it has been brought to my attention that maybe the reason I have so little interest in it, is because it is so seldom something I get to do. A close friend had asked me a few weeks ago if he could take me out on a date. Not with hopes of redefining our platonic relationship, but strictly for the sake of showing me what a date could be, should be, and how it could leave me feeling.
I got to put on a fancy dress. I got to do my hair, and my makeup, and even though he is a friend who knows me incredibly well, and I've spent more time with than most people, I even found myself getting butterflies just minutes before his arrival. He showed up in nice jeans, a suit-coat, with roses in hand. He commented on my appearance and with a hand on the small of my back led me out on a real date. We didn't need to go on a carriage ride through the city, or have a paintball fight set to Semisonic's FNT. We went to dinner and a movie. We ordered a bottle of wine. I ate a burger. He touched my arm when it was appropriate and laughed at my jokes. It was nice. I felt like the prettiest, most adored girl in the room. And there were other people in the room to draw that contrast against.
HSF has been in my life for like, 103 years now. Would you even believe that in all the time I have known him, all of the countless hours we have spent together, only once have we ever gone outside of my house. ONE TIME. And it was for ONE DRINK at the closest bar within driving distance. Jason was no better - we went out once a week, every Thursday to the local bar-trivia he attended anyways. And quite frankly the entire evening was spent with him resenting me for knowing answers to questions or wearing a low cut shirt in public. These weren't dates, I didn't get to dress up for them or feel like they wanted to show me off, or even what the very essence of what dating should be, which is trying to win over the attention and desire of the woman you want to love you back.
I'm not under the impression that men are solely responsible for maintaining romance, or for putting in the effort. Lord knows more than anything I love doing little things for the men in my life as a reminder that they matter more to me than anyone else. I recently purchased a Christmas present for a special guy in my life, and I can honestly say the satisfaction and joy of getting him that gift over-shadows even the greatest feelings from the greatest dates. But just because a girl is content with, more than content with - elated with, spending their days with you on the couch doesn't mean we don't need that reminder that we are worth wooing and fighting for. And I think girls need to be reminded of that whether you've been dating 2 weeks, or married for 50 years.
I'm so quick to jump to that point in the relationship spent makeup-less and in pajamas, that I let guys off the hook for having to "real" date me right out the gate. Who am I to expect, months later, them to have some desire to take me out or want to make me feel those things that get lost in Mad Men marathons and grilled cheese sandwiches. I guess I just wish that being that girl that would rather be low-maintenance and remove the pressure of romantic "dating" would more likely be the one that deserves to feel insanely loved and sometimes in the way of a $20 dinner for 2 at Chilis. And I'm having a hard time convincing myself that that's too much to ask.
