Females are awful, just plain awful. And I am not discounting myself in this generalization. Because I've done it, I've been there. I have come on to men with no regard for their relationships. In fact I used to have this motto (still kind of do) that I'm not in his relationship, it isn't my responsibility to stay faithful for him. I have seduced and used men for my own immediate gratification, and then turned around to leave them with the pieces of the broken relationship with the girl that truly cares about them.
So why the change of heart now? Maybe I have learned my lessons from those previous experiences and matured as a result of having my heart broken time and time again. Maybe I have invested too much time and energy into the "other woman" scenarios of my life, and have learned that a cheater is never going to leave his girlfriend for me. Why would he, I am putting out anyways. But now that I am in a relationship with someone that I really truly care about it is bringing to light how terrifying the idea that some skanky version of my 19 year old self is going to put my boyfriend in that same situation I have put men in so many times before.
I guess it all comes down to the trust you have in your own relationship. And I don't want to be one of those girls that blames the other woman, because deep down I know if faithlessness happens it's not about who it was with, but who did the cheating. I firmly believe that humans, by nature, are programmed to want what they can't have. I have seen it happen every time I've gone a long time being single, and having no one show interest in me. And then the second I attach myself to another being, men come out of the wood work and want to take me out and romance me. It's always the most frustrating circumstance, but I am pretty good about making it clear I am in a relationship and uninterested. (I have to make an effort to do this, because my instinct is always to welcome attention).
I find that guys aren't as good about establishing these boundaries with the girls that appear once they find themselves in a relationship. And we females need to be told some things very clearly and directly. And the fact that you are in a relationship, have no interest in dating me, and want me to be respectful to your status is one of those things. Maybe even then girls will be girls and continue to have no respect for themselves, or other females and pursue the taken anyways. But at least I would feel like the man is standing up for our relationship. And maybe that would ease some of my insecurities.
I am lucky to have a great line of communication with said boyfriend. And issues like this dissolve pretty quickly because we address most everything head on, and leave little to be swept under the rug. But this isn't a one time fix for me, unfortunately. The jealousy issue that I have is going to have to fall into the relationship maintenance category indefinitely. And I want to keep my feelings at bay and manageable as much as he wants me too. But I'm a girl. I'm awful. Chances are it will get the best of me again, and chances are I'll just write about it here.
