I have been brain-blogging this entry for weeks.And In the span of seconds my eyes glancing across one headline it has been completely erased and rewritten.
Robin Williams is dead. Because he took his own life. Because he was depressed.
Why does this keep happening? When will we have enough strength to look into our own lives and see a sickness that we fight tooth and nail to hide from the rest of the world? I believe it to be especially hard if you are in Hollywood, because - How dare you be depressed? You have money and success and people adore you. If you are depressed, well then hell, you are just plain ungrateful.
Do you know what depression is? It's the perfect storm of physical chemicals in your body, blended with genetics of those before you who you have no control over, and your personal experiences. It's not like having an isolated sickness. It's not strep throat. It's stage four, spreading, destroying, evil cancer.
And depression seldom takes it's victims alone. You are probably depressed with anxiety, with addiction, or maybe multiple personalities. And you can get treated for one without even making a dent in the other. Maybe you have convinced your body it doesn't need heroin flowing through it's veins anymore, but in the interim your mind has decided it's not worth being a person at all.
I believe someday we will find a cure for cancer, for Ebola, for the common cold. But as long as human beings have hearts and minds, we as a society have an obligation to reevaluate the way we depict and discuss depression. It's so disconnected from it's actual meaning, it's just as a day to day emotion.
"How are you feeling about that project you are working on?"
"How are you feeling about that project you are working on?"
"It's making me totally depressed."
Is it? Is it causing you to feel like someone placed an upside down pick-up truck on top of your chest?
"How are you feeling about that project you are working on?"
"It's giving me cancer."
Think about how ludicrous that sounds. I have depression. I am a functioning, depressed, addict. I see a doctor, I talk about what's going on with me, and I have to spend EVERY day making cognitive decisions to re-frame the way I think and feel about EVERYTHING. Am I capable of doing it all the time? Oh God no. There are days I don't leave my bed. Because sleeping and not having to battle demons is SO much easier than having to be constantly aware that your body, mind, and soul are probably going to make you feel sad, unwanted, hurt, rejected, and fucking miserable for no god damned reason whatsoever.
My soapbox ends here. Depression is real. The happiest person you know may have the weight of the world on their shoulders and you'd never ever know it. And unless we hold a world conference in which we all go into a room and close our eyes and "everyone that suffers from depression, please raise your hand" happens, we will never truly know who struggles with it and if they need help.
Here is what we can do: be nice. Ask a person how they are, even if they are going to lie to you. If you see someone crying do NOT under any circumstances say "It's okay" or "It's going to get better." Because in that moment, it's fucking not, so shut up. Let that lady who drove up the entire shoulder of the expressway, even though she knew the lane was ending, cut in front of you. Maybe she was on her way to a funeral and needed a moment of kindness. Hell, maybe she doesn't deserve it at all.
Here is what we can do: be nice. Ask a person how they are, even if they are going to lie to you. If you see someone crying do NOT under any circumstances say "It's okay" or "It's going to get better." Because in that moment, it's fucking not, so shut up. Let that lady who drove up the entire shoulder of the expressway, even though she knew the lane was ending, cut in front of you. Maybe she was on her way to a funeral and needed a moment of kindness. Hell, maybe she doesn't deserve it at all.
But wouldn't you rather do it in the 1% chance it makes a difference, than not?
Love love love. If anyone EVER needs me, I am here. If anyone ever needs something that is less intimidating than actually talking to another person and being accountable for your sickness - start with a song. Let music make you feel alive. Read a story that makes your heartbeat. Listen to your heartbeat, and know it deserves good things. And you can live a happy life fighting depression. I truly believe it.
