You learn something pretty quickly when you start going after your dreams. You learn that there are so many thing about your dreams (specifically the difficult parts) we tend to look past as
we fantasize about our perfect lives. I moved to California and yes that was a big part of living out my dreams. I live on a mountain overlooking the most beautiful city I have ever seen. I am a quick ride to the ocean, were
I can lay against the sand and sync my heart beat to the tide and let the water calm me. And I love nothing more than the irony of this vast, unknown, potentially panic inducing body of infinite water being the thing that
slows my racing heart and brings me a sense of peace and calm when I need it most.
So you find the place your dreams live. And you rent a house, an apartment. You try to sign a lease for a determined amount you can only hope to be able to maintain because getting to your
dreams does not always offer the most consistent cash flow. But you know you are where you are supposed to be, so you find a way to make it work. And though you dream of eating great food, and drinking great wine - but you
will more often than not have to eat ramen and hope the few social outings you have per week include someone you know bringing some sort of alcohol or maybe an herbal treat to give us calm to enjoy what we do have - which is ramen.
LA is it’s own planet filled with opportunities in pretty much any field you could want to work. You want to work in movies, music, television, be a writer, be a chef, be an artist,
a personal trainer, a teacher, a curator - you can do literally everything here. But here’s the catch - all those jobs, though the are in the field of your dreams are not all good jobs. But you land a job in music in
Los Angeles and that’s your dream right? So go live your dream, because you got it.
I dream of publishing music for a publishing house. I dream of selling/licensing songs to television, movies, etc. I dream of working in publicity, and continue to fine-tune my marketing
skills. To use my love of arts and my strong communication skills to become a vital asset to the music industry. If I can do these things, some of them, any of them, I can then say I am working my dream job.
I got hired as a Development Director for a privately owned label a few months ago run out of the owner’s personal home in Encino. I was doing everything I loved doing. I was generating
press for the artist, writing copy for press, creating press releases for single and video launches, I cast a music video, and then directed a music video. I got to hire a PR Firm and select all the assets that were eligable
to be used by press. I was running social media accounts with 300k interactive followers. I was doing everything I wanted to do for a record label. I was working my dream job.
The problem was the woman who owned the label was also the only artist on the label. And she comes from a background with a lot of money and can afford to self produce her albums which is
super for her. But because of her sense of entitlement and expectations that everything should be done her way despite it being detrimental to the label, she became impossible to work for. And it didn’t stop just at
work related things. She felt she needed to have complete control over the staff in their personal lives and would become incredibly threatened if she felt anyone around her were creating any sort of connection despite us
all working together 40 hours a week. And when you work with someone as frustrating as that, those people are vital in helping you maintain your strength to stomach the boss.
I found myself spending more time defending relationships she had made up in her head that I was going to have. That I was going to steal her personal trainer, or her gardener, or her driver
- all relationships that never exceeded past an occasional hello if they were in the office. I do realize I was the only woman working for her and I think a lot of jealousy may have come from me working around her all male
staff. But this would spiral into screaming fits where she just knew everyone was conspiring against her. She didn’t just share these accusations to the accused but she would tell everyone she could find to make sure
who ever the target was that day was going to be put down in front of every other person around.
For me it became humiliating really fast. I was carrying myself with the highest level of professionalism every day. And when she we go off on these tangents I would listen and shrug if off.
When it was about me I would explain the made-up situation as best I could, and then usually ended up apologizing for things that didn’t even happen to continue doing all the previously mentioned things I love doing
so much. But I’ll tell you what, if you are doing what you love but coming home upset every day - it’s not your dream job. You are doing your dream responsibilities, but this ain’t the job.
The important lesson here is that I have the skill set to get hired to do the job I want to do. And I know I will never have a work environment that’s perfect and doesn’t have
difficulties. But you can’t just keep fielding emotional abuse and being overall unhappy to be able to say you have your dream job. It’s not worth it.
I am on a plane to LA headed back to no job as my monster of an employer decided to fire me. She also decided to stop payment on a check that was issued a week before she decided to let
me go. She still hasn’t paid me for my last week work or reimbursed me for services purchased by me for the label. In addition to stopping payment on a week old check, it over-drafted every bill I had paid that week
and I now have a negative bank balance for all those transactions along with overdraft fees per transition. Which, yes, is like super illegal for her to do as I was a contracted employer and the stopped check was payment
for services previously rendered. So now I am fucked with negative money in the bank and no job with another first of the month rent due just around the corner. FUCK, right?
This blog isn’t to complain, it’s to hold myself accountable to seeing what I need to see which is that I am talented, strong, and driven. I recently had a conversation with
a man named Albert Brooks II who won a grammy for producing Beyonce’s Lemonade. We talked about my passion for getting my hands in an industry that has kept me alive for my whole life. After I finished my elevator pitch
he shook my hand and told me I would. He said I will do great things for music because I have “the juice”. I do have the juice - it’s a blend of passion, charisma, professionalism, follow through, and my
father’s superhero work ethic.
I don’t have my dream job, but I am certainly closer to my dream life, and I know what I have to do to get there. And I still in my heart believe you get there through kindness and
honesty and respect for the people around you. And I think in that way I will soon be eclipsing this previous job as people who don’t work like that can only get themselves so far. I truly believe that.
