We live in a society that praises Beyonce smashing car windows and artists walking around with both middle fingers raised in the air. There is an expectation to find your #squad and get into group texts so that you have an army of people to trash the people you don't like with. We want to be mean girls, because we want to fit in. And the easiest way to bond with someone these days is to help take aim at someone or something you both don't agree with. We can't wait to capture that one threatening screen shot to hold as ammunition. We are constantly walking around with claws out perceiving every interaction as a challenge.
This is exhausting. And I will be the first to admit I used to love being apart of all this noise. I was good at it. But something has shifted in my adult years, and that girl that foamed at the mouth for confrontation shudders at Facebook messages when they come in because I don't even want to be privy to the drama that is occurring around me. I don't want to be mad at someone's friend's ex boyfriend. And I don't want to dislike that girl that posted that thing about that show she was at. It's all too much to keep up with, and I can't battle the negativity that all these situations seem to be dripping with.
I feel like we spend so much time and energy beating the shit out of ourselves, that we should want to give it a rest when we can. And even more so, if we acknowledge that we are all struggling with insecurities, self-doubt, the crushing realization that this life can be real fucking heavy sometimes, we should be responsible for taking away the bad from each other's lives. Not adding to it. I haven't figured out yet how to be nice to myself, but being nice to someone else? I can do that like falling off a log. Because if you look past the passive aggressive memes about fuck bois, I think we are all still doing really well. We are still creating, inspiring, sometimes merely surviving. And that in and of itself is something worth celebrating.
I am sure there is great satisfaction in landing a punch into someone. I am sure in that moment, finding those perfect words that cut into what someone is wearing, who they are dating, what they are looking for - you did it. You hurt someone. Good job. But what I've found is that the power behind being kind is 100% stronger than that of being hurtful. Because people take shots at me every day. I shed them quickly. The man who came up to me and told me my laugh turned his night around, that's the one I remember.
I can't change our mean culture. I can't break apart covens or stop all the subtweets. But I will remain active in creating as much positive in the environment that I can control. So I have started making it a point to pay 5 compliments a day. To anyone. Friends, coworkers, strangers. Sometimes it's just noticing someone's shoes, and sometimes it's a bigger reminder that you're good enough. Because I don't know about you, but I need to hear that more often than I'd like to admit to. Maybe if we start putting it out around us, we'll learn how to do it for ourselves. And in the meantime, we'll all have reminders that none of us are in this alone.
