Assholes and Idiots

My father uses the phrase "I'm surrounded..." on a regular basis.  He never even needed to finish the sentence in order for us to grasp the sentiment.  "I am surrounded by idiots."  And for most of my childhood (and let's be honest, adulthood) the man has legitimately been surrounded by idiots.  As I get older, and I am subjected to a whole world of characters, my heart goes out to the man.  He is, and as I am learning I am, surrounded by idiots. Not exclusively idiots, but also assholes.  Maybe that's why he never finished the sentence out loud.  Maybe he also felt he was surrounded by idiots as well as a variety of names he couldn't say in front of his small children.

I am not by any means claiming to be perfect, or immune to being both an idiot and asshole at times.  But I am finding in more recent interactions with people, more often than not they are idiots or assholes. I would now like to share some examples of these types of people I am referring to:

1. The "Out Of Touch With Reality" Guy.
This guy (or girl) believes that things will just magically appear if you will them to do so.  They believe they will sign a record contract, tour, and become a huge rockstar without applying much more effort than creating songs on a computer in their parent's basement and then just talking openly about their musical career.  Because if you post about it in your facebook status' - you are clearly well on your way to stardom.  Or maybe you think you can just up and quit your job because "money doesn't buy happiness" and you should "follow your heart and just do what makes you happy".  Well, you know what makes me happy? Being able to make rent, or keep my electricity on.  Or not having to be codependent on everyone else to live a happy and successful life.  I would never want to gain something that I wanted without merit.  I want to work and earn everything attached to my name.  And even if I fall short every time, I at least know I gave it my all. And if my hard-work and passion leads me nowhere but my ranch-style home in Aurora, and job at the music store indefinitely, I will be okay with that knowing that I didn't try to cheat the system or waste years of my life with my head in clouds waiting for that one opportunity for lighting to strike.  If you have lofty goals, you work your ass off for them.  But you also need to understand that life isn't always rainbow and sunshine.  So buck up, shut up, and work like the rest of us.  Ya dig?

2. The "My Life is The Worst Life Ever" Guy.
This guy thinks that his troubles and concerns are the worst troubles and concerns ever experienced by mankind in all of history.  Sure, I get down a lot.  I wish and pray that things could be different, or when circumstances didn't work the way I had planned.  But keep a little perspective people.  I promise you nothing that you or I are going through is anything new from the pain and worry of a GAZILLION others before us.  And most of them survived.  The ones that didn't probably got hit by a bus or something.  And you aren't lucky enough to have that happen to you, most likely.  So deal with your shit.  My dad is going to die of cancer.  The next 5 -50 men I date will probably hurt or reject me when I really want it to work out.  I will have to find rides to work for a while until I can afford a car.  But guess what? Everyone's dad's will die.  And everyone will get their heart stomped by a love interest at some point.  And everyone will have to swallow down pride from time to time to ask for help from other people.  None of these things will kill us.  So acting as though they will, or that there is no way out, is pointless and a waste of energy.

3. The Bad Guy Who Wants Nice Things.
This is the friend who is not a great friend.  In fact, he's kind of an asshole.  He is your friend only when it is convenient for him.  When that time comes along, he will be a fun guy - but will suck out of you as much as he can before disappearing until they need something again.   I have a really bad tendency of letting these types of people in over and over again, because I so desperately want to believe that maybe this time they will be a good friend deserving of good things.  But they won't be.  Because they're an asshole.  If you are a bad person, you don't deserve nice things.

4. The "This Won't Effect Anyone But Me" Guy.
People are so careless when they make decisions.  I am all about looking out for number one.  But at the end of the day, any thing you do or say has a consequence.  It will never start and end with you and your life only.  It's a small small world, and we are all so intertwined that your actions will impact those around you whether you like it or not.  Now, if you need to do something for your benefit, be it health, career, or overall well being, do it.  Always do it.  Just don't act surprised when it has a trickle down effect on others.  But especially with stupid decisions - other people will feel the weight of that in some way shape or form, be it concern or worry - or something more intrusive like having to pick up pieces to things they never broke in the first place.  Just think about the world around you before making rash decisions, like marriage and babies.

5. The "I'm Really Cool Because I Party" Guy.
Oh man.  This guys is the coolest.  He prides himself on the amount of PBRs he drank at the bar last night.  And his ability to acquire weed at the drop of a hat.  You did how much acid last night?  Oh man, you are just so cool.  I don't understand how anyone could be having more fun that you are - all the time.  I'm 25 years old.  I am not over my partying years, I like my vino - I like to get a little crazy.  But if someone asks me what the best thing I did today was, and it is in any way shape or form connected to drugs or alcohol, I officially live a pretty pathetic life.  These substances are used to alter your mind from your actual reality, which is great.  Like a mini-vacation.  But if these are the best parts of your life, it means your reality sucks, and you are just prolonging improving your reality by never being in it. 

Idiots, am I right?  I like to think these are phases for people - that they will grow out of them.  I fear for some though it maybe a permanent life choice.  In which case I will take on the wonderful advice of my dearest friend Robyn and free myself.  Free yourself from these people, these attitudes, these delusions.  I can only be responsible for what I am doing with my life.  And since that is in a constant need of fine-tuning and readjustment - I quite frankly don't have the time to de-idiotize or de-asshole these kinds of people.  The silver lining to being surrounded though, is it makes you cherish those that seem to make an effort and play on your level.  Those people, the ones who fight the good fight and work hard to be the best they can, even just 1 of them can negate a whole world of 1 - 5s.  So love them hard. And when worst comes to worst, just shake your head and say "I'm surrounded..."

Mad Game, Bro

I have expressed time and time again how much I don't care for dating.  But it would be fair to clarify that it is internet dating that I hate.  I hate having to determine a man's worth from a dating profile or a series of exchanged texts and emails.  I hate having to sit across a table from someone I don't know any further than a survey of questions answered about romantic preferences and "dating style".  This has really been the only way I have been meeting men over the past few years, as it seems harder and harder to meet men in an organic way anymore.  I don't spend a lot of times at bars, or clubs - I don't attend any group functions or classes.  I know the same 15 men I see at work each day (some of them are datable, though I don't think they believe the same to be true about me).  Any opportunity I seem to have with finding and dating men always feels more like a job interview than spending time with someone because you met them by chance, felt something, and wanted to pursue it further.

Me and my life brommate Chelsea headed out to trivia this past Thursday night.  I have heard lots of stories about bar trivia.  People seem to love it, and I tend to hate everything people love, so I have made it a point to avoid it for the past few years.  But, get a few margaritas in me, and I forget my petty objections to socially accepted activity and am game for just about anything.  As we approached the table of Chelsea's manfriends I noticed their team name was "Zack Morris and the Brick Phones".  "Okay", I thought to myself, "we will all get along just fine".

We weren't even at the table for more than 5 minutes when Chelsea announced that the guy sitting to her right, sporting one hell of a beard, would be my romantic interest for the evening.  She was basing this strictly on the fact that he had a beard.  Apparently I have a type - and it's 20 year old boys and bearded men.  Her statement was half fact and half taken as a challenge by me.  Bearded man would be mine, if for nothing more than a hot make-out session in a bar on a Thursday night. 

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that beardface and I had a ton in common.  He is also a drummer, has a long standing history with the local Chicago music scene, loves to write, and is currently getting a PhD in Philosophy.   (That last fact has nothing to do with my interests, I just wanted to brag about the fact that he is getting a PhD.  He also drives a Cadillac.  I digress.) After many shared laughs and a couple dozen cigarettes on the patio, he leaned in for the kiss.  OH BEARDFACE!  HAPPY DAYS!  Nothing excites me more than making out with dudes, except making out with dudes who have beards.

Chelsea was also running game on a young gent in the same circle of friends.  So as the bar was closing and we were paying our tabs, I decided it wasn't necessary to end the evening so soon and invited the bros over to the Katie-cave.  Lucky bastards, indeed.  The Cadillac was cozy, and the hand-holding and stop light kissing was butterfly inducing.  When us make-shift double-daters got back to the cave, a Bayside dance party ensued followed by a Kevin Smith viewing party that lasted approximately 10 minutes before we all got too handsy and had to depart to our separate bedrooms.  In retrospect, the only thing that I would have changed was Chelsea and I exchanging high-fives in passing.  Because at this point we had run game, seduced two suitors, and were closing the deal. 

I won't go into the specifics of either of our closed door activates, but it is fair to say we both handled ourselves like dudes.  We took what we wanted, no apologies, and went to bed.  Used and abused.  And it felt good.  For once to be the taker and not the giver.  To pick up a guy at a bar, to get what I wanted, and then tuck myself into bed cuddled up next to a beard and feeling very satisfied with myself.  It's not nearly as slutty as it sounds.  I didn't sleep with the guy.  Which I am happy about.  I have a tendency of jumping into bed way too soon, and then act shocked and surprised with men don't view me as "girlfriend material".  Why buy the cow, ya know?

Chelsea and I spent the following day glowing about making out with boys, and it was a lovely reminder that outside of OkCupid and suffering through first dates with strangers - there are still genuine connections that can be made by fate or luck, or just good timing.  Beardface has my number, and who knows if he will use it.  I like to think waking up in his arms versus having him leave a very passed out me in bed in the middle of the night is a good sign.  And if he doesn't, I'm not too worried.  I have rediscovered the fact that I run some mad game, bro.  Maybe it's time I disconnect from the internet dating world for a bit and just force myself to go out more.  I have a wingman with equal amounts of game to be run, so watch out single dudes in the greater Chicagoland area.  Me and my bro are on the prowl this summer, and if Beardface is any indication, you really don't stand a chance.