The Sexless Innkeeper

For all of my faithful readers who have followed my sexual escapades in this blog for the past year, please be seated - for I have a very important announcement to make.  I, Katelyn Amanda Keller will be taking a vow of celibacy for the the next, well I'm not quite sure, but let's just say long while.  In rehashing the past 6 months of tomfoolery with HSF, and looking at the bigger picture of highs and lows of my life; it seems as though a lot of my issues have been a direct result of my highly active sex life.

I lost my virginity at a very young age (what? wait? where'd ya go?).  I don't regret the first time I had sex, but it wasn't with someone I cared about.  In fact, it was someone I hardly knew and though we had repeat sessions a handful of times after the first, we never kept contact and we never even entertained the idea of being in a relationship.  It was after that initial time that I realized that sex didn't have to be connected to any sort of emotion.  That you could just have it, with anyone, and it would feel good - and in turn I would feel better about myself because in the very least I knew that I was wanted sexually if nothing else.  I kept this mentality all throughout high school and well into college.  It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to connect the fact that a. I wasn't really making myself feel better for any longer than the time it took for the guy to put his pants on and walk out the door.  And b. no matter how much I like to pretend I can have sex like a man - I will always want more than just a lay from a guy I allow myself to be intimate with.

So my vagina is going on sabbatical.  Because it keeps confusing my head, and my heart.  And until I have sorted out the mess it has caused in both of those areas there is no need to make bigger messes.  You'd think that this is a given when I said that I was taking a break from dating, but like previously mentioned, those two have never really coincided in my life in the way society claims they are supposed to. Old habits die hard, so I don't expect this to be easy.  I expect to go through a lot of pornography, and by pornography, I mean old episodes of Grey's Anatomy.  I will have to make an effort to avoid certain social situations in which I can get myself into trouble (i.e. any drunken nights with a list of about 10 different people in my phone book).  And I will need to constantly remind myself how much more enjoyable sex will be a year from now in the off chance I find someone who can make me feel wonderful things without having to be inside me.

It's been 10 days.  Let's go for 355 more.  Think of the time I will save on shaving!  Wish me luck.