Hooker Sex

It was Julie Robert's golden hooker rule in Pretty Woman that she wouldn't ever kiss a client on the mouth.  Because a kiss on the mouth is, and I do agree, the most intimate part of having sex with someone.  Outside of the mouth to mouth contact, sex is just another way to get your juices flowing the same way you could if you were all alone, sans love-making partner.  So maybe that is the key to keeping people you choose to be with sexually at a theoretical arms length away from you emotionally.  Or maybe it just serves as a constant reminder that them being inside you means nothing to them either?  And is that okay?

I have developed a very bizarre non-relationship relationship with a young man I have met a few months ago now.  We are friends.  There are no feelings other than platonic that exist between the two of us.  We can sit on my couch, separate sides, never so much as brushing up against one another's hand.  We talk, laugh, watch tv, the things that you do with friends.  But after a few hours, and before we are about to retire for the evening we engage in some friendly hooker sex. 

The relationship (non-relationship) didn't start off like this.  We had met on a dating site and at first we were cute and cuddly.  Whether we were sleeping together or just sitting on the couch, we were affectionate and driven by a more than friendly desire to be together.  There was handholding, hot makeout sessions that lasted for days, and the evening always ended with a gentle kiss goodnight.

I don't remember how it flipped into what it has become.  It must have been around the time I decided that I wasn't looking for an emotional connection for the time being, but he was still there.  We didn't discuss a change, we just stopped doing the romantic things, and fell into being friends.  Friends with benefits.  But, the real kind, not the Justin Timberlake kind.  And we now end every evening together with a friendly salute goodbye (seriously).

Here's the thing: I like the relationship I have with this kid.  I like that fact that if I don't hear from him for a handful of days, if we don't constantly call/text or make plans to see one another, it doesn't affect me.  When he is around it is nice.  But nice in a way that it is when anyone is saving me from myself on a night I would normally stay inside alone being miserable.  I am not emotionally invested in the two of us together at all. 

I do miss the cuddly part of relationships.  I miss the handholding and the makeout sessions.  And I do think it is probably a problem that I have been laid more than kissed in the past month. But it's safe what I have with this kid.  I am not worried about getting my heart broken, I trust being intimate with him on a health level, and maybe the lack of affection is just a small price to pay to having my heart guarded and still being able to get some.  My therapist doesn't exactly condone this behaviour, but at the same time she knows I am just getting something out of my system.  She compares him to wine for me.  I know it's not going to solve any of my problems long term, but it's nice and no one gets hurt as long as I do it in the comfort of my home with the blinds drawn closed.

It may be cheapening in the act of sex, hooking up without mouth kissing.  But I think it's the opposite.  I am going to, someday, have a relationship with someone that I want to mouth kiss with as well.  And then I won't be "getting laid" I'll be "making love".  And there will be rainbows and butterflies and fireworks...but for the time being I don't have, nor do I want to actively look for, those things.  So it's an exchange of goods, only unlike Julia, I don't get paid at the end of it.  Maybe that's the only flaw in this plan.  Lord knows, I could certainly use the money.