Know Your Audience

I am about to be insensitive to a lot of people that I love.  So I will preface this blog by saying that this is something I am feeling, and though I would like to apologize if what I am about to say makes me seem dismissive of your problems, but I will not.  I will always be there for those close to me, I will always be a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, and will try my hardest to make you laugh when you are feeling at your worst.  But this blog isn't about these people, this blog is, and always has been, for me.

Recently I have noticed how terrified people are of being alone.  Whether they are just ending a long term relationship, or getting in to one.  Everyone seems to go into panic mode when they are forced to be with themselves.  I am not going to claim that I have never been this way, or had these feelings.  But I feel like everyone is missing the bigger picture when they try to resolve their loneliness.  Of course the quickest fix would be to find someone new to warm the other side of the bed, or in the case there is someone already there, turn your world upside down to ensure they are warming the other side of the bed regularly.  But I find it a bit sad we aren't taking advantage of the loneliness to figure out how to be alone, how to be comfortable warming a bed all by ourselves.

Most of my life I have been alone more than I have been "together".  And though I am often a victim to loneliness, I have made a conscience effort to enjoy the not-together time.  It's required a bit of work to figure out what I like about myself.  Why exactly being with me is sometimes better than being with anyone else.  Sure, I am harder on myself and the decisions I make more so than anyone else is.  But if anything, that makes it that much more imperative for me to learn to forgive myself for the things I can't undo, and to appreciate the things that I have done to make up for them.

I am not going to get on too much of a soap box about it, but if you are worried about being alone, don't just jump into the next relationship that is out there, or rush the beginning of the one you are in.  Evaluate why it is you are so terrified of being with yourself.  Because there is a good chance that person you are filling the bed with won't always be there either.  And then you are going to be left feeling terrified and lonely all over again when that relationship ends.  You will rinse and repeat until you find someone as codependent as you are to stick it out for the long haul.  And though that may be desired by some, it is not the kind of relationship I hope to be in at the end of the day.  If you can't be apart, then you most certainly don't deserve to be together.

I guess all I am trying to say, and I apologize for being preachy, but I am taking this time being single and using it as an opportunity to get to know myself better.  I wholeheartedly believe the person I will be on the other side of this "loneliness" will be a far better companion to the next Mr. Katie Keller than the person I could offer to them today. 

In closing, I would like to point out that it is in bad form to complain about being alone to someone who is very much so alone.  It's like gaining 3 pounds and complaining about it to your fattest friend.  Know your audience.