It was only a matter of time before I was going to have to write one of
these blogs. And I would like to preface this by saying that this isn't
one of those "what does it all mean?" things. I am not going
hallucinate Bruce Springsteen or call my 'top 5' for dinner dates. But,
as these things sometimes happen in life, I found out yesterday that my
ex-boyfriend Andy is engaged to be married.
Now, this is not all that shocking in the sense that he is
significantly older than most of my exs (except Erik, but the day he
gets married, I suspect not much will change). And Andy, as previously
mentioned, is one of my more meaningful past relationships. I have
always felt that way, and it was reaffirmed when I ran into him at the
movies that fateful night a few months back. We were on and off for 2
years. I went through one of the most horrific experiences of my life
with his shaky hand in mine. And equally relevant is one of my favorite
moments in the past 24 years when we came back from a fireworks show on
the 4th, and his eyes welled up with tears as he finally told me that
he loved me. And then we kissed, and cried, and kissed some more. It
was one of the most beautiful, genuine, real moments I have ever shared
with a boyfriend.
Whether or not I would have found out about his engagement, I would
have still grown nostalgic for him this time of year anyways. The
winter has always made me miss him, because cold nights in each other's
arms were the best times spent in our relationship. And though we had a
tendency of breaking up for whatever reason towards the end of summer, one of us would breakdown shortly after the first snow fall missing the
warmth of what we were. I remember the night I put up my Christmas tree
all alone at my apartment by the marshmallow. I picked up the phone
after a month or so of us not speaking and told him it wouldn't be
Christmas without him. I got my diamond necklace from him a few weeks
later. (After a very funny prank involving me believing my gift was
actually a bag of blessed peanuts from Africa. I should've know better -
but he even had his parents in on the schtick. I was pretty pissed.)
My dear friend Kurt intercepted the news of the engagement for me.
And thank God, because he made it tolerable to hear. I was most
comforted by his simple response of "better her than you". And it's
true. That kid is sort of a mess, always will be. And for anyone that
knows me, that is the reason I loved him as much as I did. I have a
tendency to fall in love with the potential of people more than what
they are at face value. And God Dammit did he have potential. He just
never could muster up the motivation to do anything about it.
So I did dodge a bullet in getting out when I did. And though there was
a long time in which I truly believed we would find our way back to one
another in this world, that has been long gone for me for years. I
really don't have too much to recover from with this news. Other than
the sad realization that the world keeps on spinning when you and
someone you love stop being in love. So, good luck Mandy. I will
always find it a bit odd that he ended up with a redhead from Oswego.
But I sincerely hope that they are happy together and that he found a
love as great as the one his parent's share that he's always sought out
for himself.
I will say though, the day the wedding pictures show up on facebook there is going to be some very heavy drinking happening.
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