I was really hoping to sit down and write a happy blog about Patrick Dempsey's dimples, or how in love I am with the newest Panic! at the Disco album. But unfortunately this is going to be one of those wordy sad "what does it all mean" things, to quote Charlie Nichols.
Curtis and I have had a complicated relationship since we met 5 years ago. But, unwaveringly, he has been one of the closest people to me through all the bullshit I've been through for each day of those 5 years. When my dad got diagnosed with cancer this spring, Curtis held my hand through many nights of tears, questions, fears, and hopes. He would, without question, jump in his truck at any given moment that I needed him to be there no matter how big or small my crisis was. And has been my rock through what's going on with my dad.
I got a phone call on Saturday night that in my half-asleep conscience mind was Curtis calling to say he was on his way back from the clubhouse, and to see if I was still up. Because that's what normally happens. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I have never in my whole life felt so bad about going back to bed than I do now. When I woke up on Sunday morning, and sleepily held my phone to my ear to retrieve the night priors' voice messages I heard the sound in Curtis' voice before I even heard what had happened. My heart fell to the bottom of my stomach, because I realized what Curtis has been keeping me strong through the past 5 months about came barreling into his life at 1:30 in the morning as he watched his father pass away in front of his eyes.
I only had the pleasure of meeting Curtis' dad once. And it was just a month ago when we stopped into the club house after the Q101 Jamboree. He was a great guy, with a firm handshake, and he made brief banter with me as we both stood over a tray of hot wings. But what I know about Curtis' dad has nothing to do with that night at all. What I know about him is represented in everything that Curtis is as a man. Every great and awful quality that he has from his loyalty, passion, and humor to his pig-headedness, invincible attitude, and sarcasm. Without meeting him more than once I know that the world lost someone very amazing. And someone I have to thank for raising the strongest guy I know, and my best friend.
It's unreal how much I have been forced to learn about life and death this year. And the only thing I have been able to figure out, is that it doesn't make any sense. People die, and get sick. And other people lose parents, and friends. And sometimes it happens right in front of them, and sometimes it happens too far away from them. There is nothing easy about it, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person - the good and bad energy you feed into the world. It is all out of our hands. It will never make sense to me, And I will constantly question why bad things happen to good people, and the opposite of that seeming to always be true as well.
If you know Curtis send him all your love and support. It's going to be a rough road for him for a while. And more importantly, say I love you to everyone you love everyday. I am going to work on this myself. I am going to start by answering my phone when it rings, most of the time.
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