4.28.2012

Oh, Delicious Stupid Cookie

Although I don't always show my girly side, there are certain undeniable girl tendencies that have never faded with time.  I fantasize about my wedding.  I envision the perfect dress, the staged photos outside with my friends and family, and the drinking and dancing to my favorite songs with my best friends.  I imagine me and my future husband sneaking away from the reception to have a quickie in the bridal room.  I can picture the lingerie I'll be wearing under my dress.  And how we will look when the officiator announces us husband and wife and my man kisses his bride.  Weddings are fabulous.  It's a big party you get to have when you finally sucker someone into spending the rest of their life with you.  You get to eat and drink and be merry - and it's all about YOU!

Now - for someone who daydreams about weddings, I am the worst person when it actually comes to be in attendance for them.  I don't know if it's a combination of the pressure of having/being a plus one, the emotions attached to seeing someone else that happy in love, or just my social awkwardness.  But the few weddings I have been to in my day have ended in disaster.  I am sure you all remember the traumatizing night when I went to a wedding as a friend's date and got my period all over the seat in the reception hall.  At one of my best friend's weddings this last summer I got fall down drunk and proceeded to wish the bride a happy birthday numerous times throughout the evening (I think I had forgotten what we were celebrating).  That night I also managed to make out with 3 different people, steal about 200 Andes Mints from the bar, and lose a sweater.

I like the idea of weddings, scratch that, I like the idea of MY wedding.  In theory.  But when it comes to putting these romantic notions of weddings to practice, I tend to come up short every time.  So imagine my terror and worry when I was proposition to be a maid of honor in some upcoming nuptials.  Now, I am not going to get into the finer details of this particularly uncomfortable situation.  What I will say, is this isn't really the circumstances in which I expected to be a maid of honor.  Which just adds to my already high stress level concerning these types of events.  Before my role at weddings was to do nothing more than to raise my glass when appropriate, comment on the bride's dress, and leave with the same person I showed up with.  And I have successfully failed at every attempt in doing so.

But let's play ball, folks.  Let's put on the dress, perfect my pacing for the walk down the aisle, and pay extra close attention to the train of the bride's dress.  I will hold her flowers, tell her she looks beautiful at all the appropriate moments, wipe her tears from under her eyes so she doesn't ruin her makeup, and keep her hair pinned perfectly into place.  I will write a toast, quoting heartbreaking words of someone that has said something about love that I actually believe in.  And I will graciously kiss the check of her groom and thank him for allowing me to be apart of their ceremony. 

I know the rules.  I know what moments of weddings past I need to make an extra effort to avoid recreating, and that I need to be the best possible version of myself for the sake of the bride.  Let's just hope I don't look fat in the bride's maid dress.  That's the last thing my self esteem will need while trying to pretend like I am capable of being pulled together for this affair.  Because on this particular day, more than just a girl in a dress in a wedding party, I need to be a big sister.

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