DTR With The HSF

I watch a lot of romantic dramedy television, listen to a lot of love songs, and sob through most of the formulaic boy meets girl romance films that exist.  There is a moment in every relationship, in every one of these mediums, that I refer to as the 'DTR' moment.  This is the point in the story where the characters are forced to define the relationship.

"We're just friends."
"We're soul-mates."
"We're casually dating, but seeing other people."
"We're just not working."

My brain has been conditioned from a very young age to ask that question, "What are we?"  I think this is more important for women than men, and I think that is a direct result of our much more outward insecurities.  We need to know that we aren't falling alone.  We need to know if it is ending, or beginning.  Even just some sort of validation that it is happening at all.  Unfortunately, I have come to find in my many years of romantic field research that this is the exact opposite of what men want.  In fact, I haven't been able to find anything to make men more uncomfortable than having the DTR talk.  Maybe only second to a pregnancy scare.

I am in this pseudo-relationship with HSF, and though we have been doing this thing, whatever we are, since June; only twice have I had a strong pull to DTR.  And both times I have watched terror and discomfort build behind his eyes and the conversation had quickly extinguished shortly there after.  I haven't pushed this conversation any further, because to be honest, I have known from the beginning that this non-relationship relationship comes with an expiration date.  And there isn't much of a point of DTRing when we won't exist past December 31st, 2011. 

So this morning... I wake up with an incredibly strong urge to DTR.

'God Dammit, HSF' I thought to myself 'can you just tell me what the fuck this is already!?'

Why this has come barreling into my mind over Wednesday morning coffee I will never understand.  But I did quickly realize that this conversation with him would end no differently than it had the first two times before.  So instead of looking to him to define anything for me, I decided to define it for myself.  In my own terms.  He doesn't owe anything to me, he leaves in 3 weeks. I can label us with whatever the hell I want, and it won't affect the inevitable conclusion to this story.  So here goes:

HSF embodies all of the qualities of who Charlie should have been. And I don't mean that as terribly as it sounds. But Charlie was on board to be my boyfriend, he jumped at the opportunity to be exclusive.  But when it came down to it, he was all talk and no action.  HSF has been the complete opposite of that.  Though he has never exclusively claimed me as his own, he has made it a point to spend as much time as possible with me.  I know if there were a line up of me and most people he knows, more likely than not, he would choose to waste his days on my couch watching me laugh at Modern Family and arguing with him about the value of 90s music.  He has never changed his facebook status for me, or even alluded to the fact that we were in a relationship.  And yet with no answers, no DTR,  I am still happier spending time with him than anyone else in the world.

HSF is not the end all and be all of men. And once he is gone, I am sure it's only a matter of time before I am searching for the next guy to DTR with.  In the interim, I have stumbled upon a very pleasant reminder of what it is like to be in the company of someone who genuinely wants to be with you.  Whether it's defined or not.