God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from the drama and people who create it.  You surround yourself with people who make you laugh.  Forget the bad, focus on the good.  Love the people that treat you right, and pray for the ones who don't.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.  Falling down is apart of life, getting back up is living."

This is probably the wrong forum for this.  But to be quite honest, I want to say what I feel I need to say for myself.  To pick up a phone, write a letter, talk one on one to the people that expect me to say something would be a waste of my time.  Because I wouldn't be saying it for me then, I would be saying it for them.  And there is absolutely no point in saying anything to them, because they aren't going to hear me anyways.  Maybe that is a terribly negative way to look at the situation, but after a while you have to decide it's not worth the fight anymore.  And sometimes walking away from a fight requires seeing that you didn't stand a chance in hell of winning it anyways.

I have grown up a lot in the past few years.  I joke around about it all the time, but I haven't been arrested for anything stupid like missing a court date, or driving on a suspended.  I have been slowly chipping away at my bills - manning up to bill collectors when they call, as opposed to changing addresses every 6 months in hopes they never catch me.  I have found a job that I love doing.  I work for people that trust me enough to let me learn as I go along.  They have let me grow and challenge myself because they have taken a chance on me and let me go for it.  Because they truly, genuinely believe in me.  And they believe in me despite every mistake I have made along the way.  That's a truly extraordinary thing to find in an employer.  Oh, and just yesterday - I got a raise.

I have discovered some pretty phenomenal friendships throughout the past few years, also.  I am blessed to be surrounded by people that love me for who I am, not what I've done or the mistakes I have made.  I have friends that challenge me to be better always, but never leave my corner.  Ones that make me laugh when I don't think there could possibly be anything to laugh about.  And most importantly friends that have shown me that life is good.  And it's supposed to be fun.  And it doesn't need to be filled with petty arguments and judgements.  That you can simply care for one another - and find peace in knowing that even on a bad day - you've got them.

I am tired of apologizing to people that don't agree that the way I do things is okay.  Because, you know what, it really is.  Whether it would be the way that you would live my life isn't worth discussing.  It's not your life.  Go live your own.  And if you wonder why I have pulled myself so far away from you, it's because you can believe whatever you want about me.  About who I am, what I do, when I do it and who I am doing it with.  You are allowed to believe whatever you want, but I also get to decide to stop spending my time and energy defending my life.  I'd rather be out living it.  Has this cancer taught us nothing? 

I love my family.  I love them with all my heart.  I love them enough to do what I need to do to be happy and healthy.  I hope someday that is appreciated and respected.  But in the more likely chance that it never will be, I am going to gather the strength enough to stop looking for it.  At least there.  I have some amazing mirrors in the people I surround myself with now.  People that care enough to show me that despite the bad I may have done, I am a better person now.  And I deserve to be treated that way.