I have spent the last few weeks immersed in the Elliot Rodger case. I took the time to read his manifesto and have read every article regarding the "Men's Rights Movement" and everything written in the #YesAllWoman movement in response to not only this heinous crime, but an overwhelming sub-culture of men that share the views of a 22 year old entitled boy that felt that with men being the superior gender they are owed something by women. The majority of what I have read from people that run the gamut of sharing his views, to those who just "understand where he is coming from with feeling rejected by women". It has been both eye-opening and incredibly saddening.
My first response was every suppressed feelings I've held onto since my own personal experiences from being victimized by men. The realization that I took at face value the mandatory meeting my first week in college that informed us of the big blue emergency poles that had been placed around the campus to run to to alert police if we were being attacked, to being told by adults in positions of authority explaining to a group of 18 year old girls that if we were being raped to scream "fire" instead of "rape" because people wouldn't respond or try to interject in a sexual assault.
Of course I was enraged to start looking at society from this perspective. A society where men spend their time playing video games where the characters are rewarded by attacking or objectifying prostitutes. The fact that some video game designer somewhere created the ability for a character to go and beat the shit out of woman, and that this hasn't raised any red flags that maybe we are subconsciously condoning this behavior towards woman. I have been told that in said game you can also beat the shit out of other men. Great. That really makes me feel like my point is lessened.
If I am going to look at the situation more objectively, and less from the perspective of a woman that has been both verbally and physically abused by men, I have started to evaluate the larger issue that I have been harassed by just as many women as I have men. Of course I have never been held down and forced to engage in sexual acts by a woman, I have been called a 'slut' 'whore' 'dumb cunt' and other things of that nature by my own gender. So if this is the way we are treating each other how can we spotlight just the male gender for their actions?
I haven't seen the anti-women sites run by women in which we discuss that some women are prettier, smarter, richer or better than we are. And that we should inflict pain on them for it in the same way that I have seen in the male community. But it's irrelevant when crime after crime is committed by the way both genders are viewing and treating women in 2014 after all we have done to create equal rights for blacks, gays, and other "sub-class" citizens. We have all just accepted that women will be mean to each other, and that women will grasp their car key in their hand while walking through a parking garage late at night. That we are given pepper-spray along with shower shoes and new bed sheets when we go out in the real world on our own.
I have always tried to turn away from tragedies like this, realizing that the publicity and attention is exactly what these people are looking for. But I also feel like now that I am aware that this is a relevant issue and as said by many men in the "Men's Movement" that they too are tired of being rejected by women and are ready to act out their own "Rodger" acts to teach the world that us "sluts" need to stop going after the "brutes" and give more attention to a group of people that spend their time putting us down on the internet rather than trying to meet us and create relationships with us, getting to know us as people and not just as a whole gender picking and choosing who we want to be with based off some societal view of what we want men to be.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know how to make my stomach settle or my hands stop shaking when I think about a mentality that would encourage men to seek out destruction because of rejection and heart-break. I haven't taken a gun to the men that have followed me to my car late at night, in the same way I haven't taken a gun to the guy who took me out on one date and then never called me again. There has to be a way to teach social interaction and respect not only towards women, but towards each other every day so we stop resorting to these violent actions as an only way out from a life of heartache and rejection.
I have survived 27 years of heartache and rejection. You know the difference? I was raised by parents who taught me to respect everyone. That everyone has a story and for better or worse, their life is just as valuable as my own despite how terrible their actions may sometimes be. That is why at the end of this tangent, and really left with no actual resolution on how to fix this huge and what feels insurmountable problem, I will say that I forgive Elliot Rodger. I forgive the men that don't see and value themselves enough to go out and find something worth living for. Mental illness aside, we have resources and we have each other. And if we can all just find it in our hearts to love and respect each other that maybe that will be a start to us viewing each other as equals. And that we'll want to stand up for each other, and not just ourselves, or our genders. But as a world full of humans just trying to find love and acceptance.
I am currently seeking out abuse and sexual assault organizations to help women who have been through similar situations as myself. And I want to do what little I can to offer the perspective that when something bad or "unfair" happens to you, you can do two things with it: you can use it to be stronger and make others stronger, or you can let it destroy you. Sometimes to the point where you can justify destroying others. And I will do everything in my power to help the world see the first option is far better.
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