The Woman I Love

I went to go see Jason Mraz tonight.  Which was incredible.  I saw him 9 years ago in Decatur, IL.  My brother Sean even managed to pull off a smoke break and photo-op with Jason himself.  He was an up and coming singer/songwriter that was playing college campus' and hoping to catch a fan base along the way.  Almost a decade later I walked into the First Midwest Bank Amphitheater in Tinley Park today to a crowd of 10,000 people waiting in anticipation to see that same pimply-faced 20something I shared a Marlboro mild with so long ago. 

For his musicianship alone, it is a privilege to watch him perform.  Considering the 9 other musicians he shared the stage with, including an incredibly hot female percussionist, the show - top to bottom - was perfection. Besides being an amazing show, Jason Mraz has always been incredibly quick and witty, and may have a bit of a political agenda (but as long as it's on par with my own opinions - I wholeheartedly endorse it).  In between songs, specifically before he sang a song called "The Woman I Love" he made a few passing comments about females.  He said that women were amazing, but the biggest mistake women always make is forgetting how amazing we are.  And how, even though it may entail bitching, nagging, or irrational meltdowns; when we forget who we are, it's up to men to "man up" and remind us of the incredible women in us that they love.

Someone like me, who has had terrible relationships with men piled on top of deep-seeded self esteem issues, am very much an offender of what Mr. Mraz speaks of.  I am a woman.  And not in an annoying, feminist way; but that's pretty fucking incredible. But I feel, like a lot of other girls in this world, when I say that that is belittled on a far too regular basis.  Such is life.  Black people will always have it bad.  As will gay people.  As will Indians.  As will Nascar fans.  People will always discount you based off petty things that are not only not within your control, but things that have little or nothing to do with the actual character of a person.  But I digress. 

I am willing to look past being a woman, and look more closely at this "awesome" person Jason Mraz seems to think may exist in me.  And I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I am in a relationship now, so I have had validation outside of Jason and me, and actually in the form of another human being that doesn't mind his name being attached to mine for all social intents and purposes.  I'm Katie Mother Fucking Keller.  I'm not 21 any more.  I don't spend every night out doing outrageous things with no endgame and/or regard for the people around me.  I'm a little boring.  I like watching stand up comedy, listening to music, and reading books.  But I'm still pretty fabulous.

I can make people laugh in their saddest moments.  I can compliment and notice that thing about you, that isn't that new or special, but you are dying for someone to acknowledge.  I can look you in the eye, and without being able to promise that everything will be okay, will be able to promise you that I will be there.  And that no matter how bad it gets I will be in your corner.  I can sing you song lyrics for days.  I can dance and sing terribly when drunk enough at karaoke bar, and it will make you feel good.  I can take my own sadness, and genuinely try to turn that into happiness for someone else.  Jason Mraz was right, I am pretty fucking awesome, and my biggest mistake is not remembering it.

Maybe having someone who is sharing so much of my time with me will be a good mirror into some of my better qualities.  A reminder of the reasons that people, a specific person, wants to share their moments with me more than anyone else.  I am far from perfect.  And I pick apart every last emotional flaw I have, in this blog specifically.   But in the spirit of the good vibes, and free love that J Mraz was preaching at his show tonight, I'm going to go on record in saying that 2 years of blogs, 10 years of relationships, and 25 years of waking up everyday - Katie Keller is, in fact, awesome.