Don't have sex with your friends. Listen, I'm serious. Don't have sex with your friends.
I
thought about this a lot last night. Because I wanted to make sure
there was no loop hole I was missing before making this blanket
statement. But there isn't. It's clear as day to me now. Don't have
sex with your friends. After years of making this mistake over and over
again, I have come to terms with the fact that no matter the scenario,
it doesn't end well. Let's break this down more closely:
The friend turned lover: This seems like a great idea after a
wedding, or birthday, or breakup. This is your buddy, your bro. So
what if you have had a bit too much to drink and find yourself doing the
stumbly kiss walk over to the nearest bed, giggling all the way? Your
friendship is deeper and stronger than any one night stand could
possibly tamper with. Wrong. This ends badly. Whether one or both
parties regrets it, or enjoys it too much, or expects it again, or wants
to avoid it entirely. Chances are you and your buddy aren't going to
share the same emotional response to sleeping together. And now you've
gone from two people against the world together, to two people on two
very different pages. Don't have sex with your friends.
The lover turned friend: You jump into bed with someone probably
faster than you should have - and by the time your brain catches up with
your body it occurs to you that there is no chance for a romantic
relationship to develop from the mere act of love making. But that's
cool, bro - you guys can totes just be friends. No. No you can't. As
previously mentioned, chances are it won't be that cut and dry for both
involved parties. So when you are trying to grow a relationship with
someone, post coital, you can never really be sure if the intentions are
strictly platonic on both sides. And even if the intentions are to
just be good friends, that person can never not look at you like they
haven't seen you naked. Don't have sex with someone and call them your
friend if they never were in the first place.
The friend with benefits: Well, this is probably the most
offense of them all. It is a hybrid between the two previously
mentioned relationships. It's the guy you should know not to try and
force a friendship with after sex, and the guy that becomes your friend
and you then have sex with again and again. It's rinsing and repeating
those first two relationships over and over until someone finally
breaks. Maybe it'll work out though? Maybe we will have fun, until one
of us meets someone else, or we fall in love with each other. Or maybe
you will get hurt and/or pregnant. These are the two more viable
options. If someone wants to be in you, they should respect you enough
to give you a full-fledged relationship. Or you are just kidding
yourselves.
"But not me, Katie. That's not the way it has to be, me and my friend...blah blah blah."
I will take a cue from my boy Greg Behrendt's book "He's Just Not That
Into You" : sure, we've all heard the stories of these types of
relationships working out. Either turning into love, or a great long
lasting friendship. But that's the exception, not the rule. We, my
friends, are the rule. Rarely the exception. So stop pretending that
these relationships can be something that they are not.
I am proud to say that the group of men in my life, the ones that count,
that have seen me through my darkest and best days, are not nor ever
will be my lovers. And though I still believe there is a divine balance
that must exist in any guy/girl relationship, I have the comfort of
knowing that we have nothing but pure platonic love for one another.
And not a single drunken night past to challenge that. And as you could
imagine, the "friends" I have fallen into one of these 3 categories
with aren't staples in my life anymore. Which is a shame, because I
think some of them could have had the potential to be a great fit in one
way or another. (Get it? "Fit").
So folks, take it from me and my laundry list of bad experiences - don't have sex with your friends. Just don't.
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