Boys Like That Should Come With a Warning.

I have spent a lot of time lately reflecting on past relationships.  I was discussing a more recent relationship with a friend the other day and they told me this particular person should "come with a warning".  And though I have heard that line in lyrics and movies before, it never made more sense to me than it does now.

I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't gone through the relationships that I have, for better or for worse.  But imagine the heartache that could have been spared if some basic personality traits were known before jumping in.  Most recently there was a string of men with very specific red flags (at least for me personally) that I couldn't have possibly discovered until getting too close to get out scratch free.

Exhibit A.

This guy is so inciting from the outside.  He's clever, and charming.  His laugh fills the room, and there is a confidence oozing out of him.  You want to know him before you even learn his name.  Then you strike up a conversation with him, and he is engaged.  He makes you feel like this particular conversation is the most colorful and passion provoking one of his life.  You start to let your guard down quicker than ever, because he is so different than the jerks you have been with before.  Then once you are close enough to want it, truly want it, he informs you that he isn't "looking for a relationship", that he's "not ready". 

This guy is as ready as he is going to be, he just doesn't want to be with you.  But it's too late, you're hooked, and you are only that much more convinced that you could be the thing that makes him "ready". 

I have been so confused about relationships for so long that I didn't even think I was ready until I heard that he wasn't.  And then it didn't matter if I was or not, I was just concerned with his lack of "readiness" for me.  Only a few short months later, as I write this, he is in a relationship.  Who knows if he is really into her, or if this is just another degree of his lust for validation, but I am happy that he didn't take it that far with me.  At the time, it hurt like hell.  Retrospectively, I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

Exhibit B.

You don't have to pursue this guy, he is going to pursue you.  He is going to come on strong (too strong, but this goes unnoticed for a while).  At the exact moment you are feeling a little down about life: you're too fat, you aren't smart, you're going to die alone, this guy is there to tell you how beautiful you are.  That you are the smartest girl he's ever known.  And even when he show's up at your house unannounced with roses, calls and texts you an uncomfortable amount of times, and says he misses you after your first date; you decide he's just very vocal about his emotions and not all that creepy.

Next thing you know, you are having a casual night out with friends and getting harassed about where you are, who you are with, and when you will be home.  Dude.  We went out twice.  I don't even know if I like you, or the fact that you like me.  This guy didn't cause as much heartache as he did headache.  These leaches are hard to shake, and you walk away from the situation wishing you knew he was a nut job.  I'd rather accept I am dying alone than have to find a boiling bunny in the kitchen.

This list goes on.  There are so many bad guys out there.  And I guess the same is to be said for woman.  I sure as hell should come with a warning : This girl is too loud, too crass, too much. She is going to pull you in fast and push you away quick shortly there after. 

I'm starting to realize that it's only after you start pin pointing the bad, that you can truly recognize the good.  The men in my past have been colorful, to say the least.  But after every bad, really bad, situation, I am starting to have a quicker response time to the red flags. I am becoming more aware of what it is I will never ever date again.  And it is narrowing down, by default, the things that I AM looking for.

So we don't have warnings, and we have to start crossing things off the list one heartbreak at a time.  But at the end of the day, I think once the list is down to one - it's going to be worth all the trouble.