Comedy + Time = Tragedy

Now, maybe I am just a "comedian-fucker" that has no leg to stand on.  But my relationship with comedy goes back long before any boyfriends, hookups, best friends, ex-friends, producers and rooms.  I listened to Denis Leary's 'No Cure for Cancer' for the first time when I was 13 years old.  And after that moment I couldn't get enough stand-up comedy in my life.  In high school I did my research; I read Carlin's books, watched Pryor's specials, caught just about every Comedy Central Presents from every budding comedian, and comedians who recorded the cable special and were never heard from again.  In college I started attending comedy shows, primarily bigger name comedians at larger venues.  And it wasn't too long before I stumbled into a little comedy room under my favorite bar in Oswego.

The coolest thing for me as a fan of comedy, about the Comedy Under the Tap room, was that I had the ability of not only chatting with comedians after the show, but I got to know them.  And even more appealing than that, they were getting to know me.  After a few months of regular attendance, local comedians knew my name.  They associated the little basement room with the curly haired redhead who sat front and center, drank way too much, and was always ready for some quality audience banter.  These playful relationships spilled out of the comedy world, and into facebook.  Then sometimes into text messages, late night phone calls, and endless smoke sessions on bar patios.  That spark of celebrity I felt when meeting a talented comedian soon after died, and I felt like any interaction with comedians from that point on was earned, some how deserved.

I was forming opinions, not only about these people's comedy, but about their relationships with other comedians, rooms that they frequented, and the way they interacted with their fans after shows.  This information made me feel like a valuable resource to the friendships I was forming with producers and other comedians.  I have the unique perspective of not being a comedian myself, but respecting the shit out of the writing process, as well as the execution of good stand up.  I know comedy, I know what the audience sees and hears more so than the comedians.  Who, in my opinion, spend far to much brain-space being heavily in competition with other comedians, as well as themselves. 

I tried my hand at producing.  But the timing of the job was wrong, and I needed a lot more of myself to be available to be dedicated the way I wanted to be.  I tried my hand at being a comedian's girl friend.  And even though there are a laundry list of annoyances associated with carrying that title, it was another opportunity to be intertwined with a world I so adored.  I appreciate that relationship for the inside exposure I had to a world of pipe-dreamers and laughter.  But it has definitely forever changed my feelings towards comedy.

I look at the comedy world much like I look at the local music scene.  I love music, I will always lust the sound of a distortion pedal and a great beat.  But I got involved with that scene far too closely, far too quickly, and left feeling like I invested my whole heart into something, only to find it is not as alluring as it once seemed.  Part of me misses the music scene desperately.  Being that girl that went home with the bands after shows, and not even in a sexual way, but in a 'the groupies have disbursed and I was playing beer pong with the bass player and talking about great music, great books and life' kind of way.  But I know the best place for me, after 5 long years of supporting and actively participating in the local music world, is that of a fan.  That person that will go to shows, dance, sing back the words on cue, give my old band friends a hug once a year and stay detached.  And truth be told, I have been happier ever since.

This is the cross roads I am at with comedy.  I will always love stand up comedy.  But with everything I have experienced being on the out skirts of this world, I don't know how close to I want to be anymore.  Maybe I will have a change of heart, maybe I will find a positive way to contribute my observations and critiques of an art I love so much.  But more likely than not this very conscience decision to distance myself will become a permanent outlook on the scene.  The great friends will remain just that.  And I will hope to come back every once and a while to see my old favorites with some new material.  (Because let's be honest, I've heard all of your jokes at least once - but usually far more). 

The comedy scene is filled with passion and a whole lot of heart, it's also filled with insecure people and heavy competition.  I don't regret a minute of it.  I'm glad I've had every last moment, and I will some day find exactly the right kind of relationship to have with it.  But for now, I'll stick to Louis CK specials and Mike Birbiglia books.  Thank you, and good night.