Hello again! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Probably more upsetting to me than any of you, seeing as though I was doing so well at keeping my New Year's Resolution of posting regularly. Irregardlessly (<-my favorite not real word of all time), I am here now, and have a fun list to catch you up to speed on things in my most recent life.
10 Things About Vegas
1. If you are close enough to your family to go on a vacation with them, do so in Vegas. Having my brothers with me was the perfect company for this vacation. They didn't judge me at 2am when my mascara was caked under my eyes, they kept a watchful eye across the dance floor while I danced with sweaty men, and most importantly they will protect you from psycho killers disguised as drinking buddies.
2. Speaking of dancing, Men: when a song calls for us to "get low" please don't "get low"-er than me. First of all, I don't think its sexy, I think its a little gay, if anything. And chances are I am wearing heels and trying hard enough to balance in the upright position. I will get as low as possible, and you should stay a few inches above where ever that may be. And be thankful that I'm only getting so low, the floors at these night clubs are disgusting.
3. A pennyslot machine jackpot is about 2000 credits. Using basic math you'll find that only equates to $20. But when you hit this anti-climactic jackpot the entire casino will light up like you just won a million. This is embarrassing and unnecessary at 9:30am. The only silver lining to this minimal win was blowing up the deathstar (again). That's right. The force is strong with this one, at least on Star Wars penny slots.
4. Teller talks. I'm sure I am not the only one that assumed Teller, of Penn and Teller fame, kept his mouth shut always. Turns out that's just during performances. We met the magical duo after their stage show at the Rio on Saturday night. Both men were very sweet, and stuck around for just about everyone who wanted an autograph or a picture taken. I got all girly when I met Penn, because I have always found him sexy in an odd large man kind of way. Maybe its just because he's really articulate politically, and that's always been a turn on for me. Teller, though, he's the real ladies man. And had no objection to me giving him a little kiss after the show.
5. I am going to be a Pussycat Doll when I grow up. I don't even need to be one of the really hot ones that are in the singing group, I just want to be one of the "hot enough to be in a cage" ones. Sean and Zach were legitimately playing blackjack at the Pussycat Dolls casino area, and I was legitimately checking out the dancers for a good 30 minutes.
6. If you are going to go to a nightclub in Vegas, find someone to go with that has enough money to get a VIP table and bottle service. You don't have to fight your way to and from the bar every time you need a drink, a big bouncer is personally watching your purse while you dance so it's not weighing down your sexy dancing arms, and you look really cool walking past a line of 300 people waiting to pay a $50 cover to get in.
7. The only way to make a hangover headache go away after the first initial night of partying is a yard stick of booze. I wouldn't recommended drinking one of these alone, it took Sean, Zach and myself a good amount of time to tear through it, but at the end I was headache free. As a side note, try to avert your eyes from the bartender when he is mixing said yardstick drink. He is going to use a disgusting about of liquor that should probably not be mixed together in the first place. Just wait till he blows his whistle, simulates oral sex with you, and drink up.
8. If you aren't too drunk to pay attention to the awful house music constantly blaring through the nightclubs, listen closing for the funny things the djs sample music with. For instance, Sean and I found a great jam that repeated the words "Barbara Streisand" over and over again. It wasn't a Barbara song, nor was it even her saying her own name, it was just so guy with a deep voice saying it to the beat of the music. So catchy, and super entertaining. Skeet skeet skeet.
9. Photobombers. Bomb or be bombed. We decided early in the trip to photobomb as many people as possible. If you are unfamiliar with this concept it is quite simply posing in the background of a picture being taken by a complete stranger. I believe we were successful in ruining many tourists pictures, and I hope someone finds us lurking in the background of a facebook picture in the near future. I will warn anyone that may find such a gem, the photobomb isn't meant to capture the most attractive face. The point is to not only be in their picture, but ruin it by making a God awful face.
10. I love my brothers. I've had a rough year past year not only finding my place in the world, but even in my own family sometimes. This trip was such a great reminder of how much love we all have. I have spent the past few years gloating about how similar us Keller kids all are. I learned quite the opposite on this trip. Zach, Sean and myself are such different people. We are all on very different paths, and find happiness in very different things. But at the end of this trip, when we all said goodbye, I felt a new found sense of closeness with them. No matter what makes us tick individually, no 2 other people could have made me laugh so hard and so genuinely for 3 days straight. I hope and pray this year was just the first of many many Keller Kid adventures in my life. And not too long before the littlest can join us.
To check out the awesome pictures from this vacation go here:
Keller Kids Do Vegas (Like a Boss)
And until next time...
Never been to Vegas.
ReplyDeleteI OBVIOUSLY have to cheeeck it out.